It was stupid, really stupid, never trust people you don’t really know.. its just how can you be so careless? If a girl in your group says, “Hey, can you watch my bag?” and you agree, then she expects you to actually WATCH HER BAG!!! not come back and be like, hey, so where’s… what?!?!?

Well that happened last night.. but I was fortunate enough to count on friends who are wonderful and came to my rescue, literally holding my hand as I cried, not because of the things that were gone, but for the impotence of not being able to do anything… It’s weird having nothing.. no keys, no phone, no money.. no nothing.. no ticket to get back home.. no ID.. nothing… It’s a liberating feeling, and a scary one at the same time..

If I start looking at it in a “glass half full” kind of way.. well.. my birthday is coming up.. (yay gemini!) and maybe it means I should renew my life.. let go of things.. and start over or something like that… its possible..

The fact is.. things are things, they come and go.. but the really annoying thing, is all the crap you have to do to replace them.

And to my friends that helped me last night… Wow.. I am speechless.. I love you dearly and I can only hope to be there for you in this way too.

Life is a constant struggle.. even when everything is going fine.. you find something to struggle against… how we decide to face our demons is our own choice.. i’ve just been choosing very wrong lately…

I need someone to give me a slap in the face and tell me to get it together.. to be that girl i have always been, because right now.. the clock is ticking and i am crumbling to pieces.. and i do not want to waste another second feeling sorry for myself.. for my flawed character…

somebody please slap me!

Last night I had a strange dream… it goes a little like this..

I dreamed I was going out with my Romanian friend.. but I was late, so in order to get “faster” to the metro stop, I took a bus, and got caught in traffic, I was not allowed to get off the bus, because there was no stop near us..

When I got off the bus, I called my friend and explained I would be late, and then I ran into one of my best friend’s from back home, and she asked me to come along with her to one of our friend’s house, so that we could all go to the center after rush hour..

So we hang out at his place.. and then my sister arrives.. and we meet his mother, who is wearing some thigh-high pink boots… Then we step out to his “backyard” but it was my elementary school, in like a forrest.. So we take a hike in the forrest/jungle.. and we come to a place where in order to get back to his house to finally leave, we must cross a mass of water.. and we don’t want to get wet, because we are in our going out clothes..

Suddenly I turn my head and see a girl from my uni, with her group of friends.  She has a slutty friend, so she gets mad at her slutty friend for having sex while we are all there.. and she stomps off, getting into the water, and then her group of friends goes after her.. We are only witnesses to this.. but suddenly we are also walking into the water, and get completely soaked..

Then we arrive to a little beach hut, and.. get this… I am getting married! To a couple!!!! A guy and a girl, who were a couple, ask me to marry them.. and I say yes.. I don’t even know them.. not in real life, not in my dream… nevertheless, I decide to go through with it.. so I am handed a bouquet of flowers..

The person who is marrying us, then tells us the date, and says “February 14th” and then groom and me, look at each other like.. “NOOOO!!” we can’t get married this day, its such a cliché.. and the other bride is like, oh whatever, lets just do this.. 

And then I suddenly started waking up.. to find myself in a semi-dream, where I got up, got a notepad, and started writing about this dream that had been so crazy..

So that’s pretty much it.. crazy dream, huh?

yesterday was such a difficult day.. anxiety-wise..

I did jam my finger nails into my skin so deep today i have the scratches left.. but on the other hand.. I prevented an episode… so.. win?

Today I woke up feeling inspired to get some work done.. I have been crossing things off my to-do list.. but there is still much to go.. although my concentration has gone out the window.. I will go home in a while.. and just enjoy my evening there..

dietsoduh:

Wat.

whatshouldwecallme:

Normal people:

Me:

weekend funk.. please be gone!!!